God Hates Astronauts #1

Now, Albert Einstein was a fuck-up as a cartoonist, that said which by the way is redundant in both writing and speech because, you know, you just said what you said and therefore never mind but he did manage to say something very smart and Einstein-ey-ish about starry-eyed dopes like God Hates Astronauts writer/artist Ryan Browne. No less of an authority than the internet says Einstein (supposedly) said: ''Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.'' Pro-tip: using overused clichés (talk about redundancy) like this one from Einstein (allegedly) in one's writing is like using the phrase 'that said' in everyday speech. That said … few piss into the wind or shovel shit against the tide better than Browne. God bless you and your tortured need for acceptance.

This is Browne's third (maybe fourth) attempt to (throat-clearing noise) launch this pet franchise of his into the hands of indifferent comics readers. First, GHA was a web comic, than a successful Kickstarter (backers even received what they ordered) and then a trade paperback published by Image Comics and now an on-going. Insanity. Pity colorist Jordan Boyd and letterer Crank for hitching their wagon Browne's star.

God Hates Astronauts #1 defines the word 'mistake' and (for once?) is a total miscalculation on the part of Image Comics. There can be little doubt Browne has Image Comics Publisher Eric Stephenson's dirty pictures. Perhaps GHA #1 is a 'mercy-publication' and somewhere out there in some sub-sub-sub-library of some Northern California court an intrepid soul would find a sealed presentment or some out of court settlement … the case of Browne vs. the board of Image Comics shareholders. Who knows. Who cares.

Honestly, why pay the $3.50 cover price for God Hates Astronauts #1 when in six months even the variant cover, by no less than Geof Darrow, will crowd out other has-beens and never-weres in the quarter bin or stuffed into grab bags at Free Comic Book Days for decades to come? Future generations will mistakenly stumble upon this paragon of defiance against good taste -- especially when there are so many post-apocalyptic zombie noir comics, crossover events and other original sins -- and ask wha?

Wow.

Why the ire for the plucky upstart Mr. Browne and his (albeit) feeble attempt to slice off his own piece of the creator-owned pie? Simple … satire. See, satire doesn't sell. Satire is the creeper in the corner who shows up uninvited, you know, like educational programming on corporately-owned TV stations. Best to air such dreck at 5 AM when the drunks finally pass out. That's the audience for God Hates Astronauts, blackout drunks, maybe masochists. Absurdity is an outlier, horses shouldn't drink beer from the bottle and the foibles of comics shouldn't be tweaked, whether playfully or not. Browne's a tweaker. His jokes depend on gratuitous visual gags, silly sound effects, bestiality and a deep knowledge of Billy Bob Thorton's filmography, four things no one asked for, ever. With, perhaps, the exception of 3-D Cowboy and The Impossible, God Hates Astronauts #1 is a comic best described as not for everyone.

Yes, Browne is an über-talented cartoonist and writer. And yes because of GHA he's more than likely going to end up having to pimp himself out as an über-talented cartoonist Uber driver when he's inevitably pantsed for defrauding comic book speculators who were (innocently) buying God Hates Astronauts #1 not to read (where the fuck have you been?!?) but because it was published by Image Comics, so money. Caveat Emptor dumbasses.

The good news is God Hates Astronauts will run eight issues, ten, at best, an adulterated un-fucked-around-with distillation of why we can't have nice things. Embrace the insanity, embrace the stupidity: God Hates Astronauts #1.

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Keith Silva knows satire and sarcasm are fool's errands so he started a twitter account: @keithpmsilva

Review: Blast Furnace -- Recreational Thief! Vol. 1

'stache Stash

Ryan Browne's Blast Furnace Recreational Thief Volume One exists for every comic book fan that says, 'fuck, why don't more heroes wear flaming neckties.' An esprit de Blast Furnace (if such a thing was a thing) would require a light touch, improvisational pluck and twirling twirling always twirling  

 

Acute assonance comes no better than in the titular Earnest Furnace. What about 'Blast' you ask, where does that come in? Look, opportunities to make alliterative vowel jokes come rarely or not at all, smoke 'em if you got 'em, amirigt? Dude only signs his name 'Blast Furnace' (actually he only signs 'Blast Fu' which is a joke too, get it? FU -- Ed.) and besides, Browne should be given a friggin' Rhysling for coming up with a name like Earnest Furnace in the first place. A murderous S.O.B, Furnace shoots first, enjoys a good crab boil (who doesn't) and drives a Prius -- it's a rental, but still, effort.  

Blast Furnace is like a kick to the crotch (that seems harsh), O.K., how about 'a dark chest of wonders' (better, much better) to remind readers that ideas rule and plans are for pussies. In his 'act as if' approach, Browne creates a comic as an extemporaneous exercise in storytelling. Browne says it this way and with far less pretension: ''[Blast Furnace] was created a page a day with an hour spent on each page (or thereabouts) with little to no pre-planning over the course of six months.''

What keeps Blast Furnace from slapdash half-assery comes from a fire hydrant gush of brainstorms, gags and non-sequiturs. Its un-predictableness is what keeps it fresh. Browne goes whole-ass in this comic; the jokes aim low, hit hard and come in on all sides, some silly some stupid and others straight-up surreal. Chances are that Browne writes the first (and only) bird-shit-in-the-mouth gag that makes one consider Chaos Theory, no joke.

Like a Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker movie -- more Kentucky Fried Movie and Airplane! than Naked Gun or Hot Shots! -- Browne strings sketches that feel loose and impulsive, but never out of place.  So when ''He who looks exactly like a horse but actually is just a hideously deformed man'' or Ralphie the Bear or even the dragon bartender appears on the page it comes off feeling original and less asinine than it sounds. Browne's puns-per-page rival the output of Brandon Graham.

Wait. Who the hell is He who looks exactly like a horse but actually is just a hideously deformed man?  What about Blast Furnace or Earnest Furnace or whatever the fuck his name is, what about that dude? See, that's the thing about a thing like Blast Furnace, it loses something in the translation when you give all the jokes away and it never stagnates long enough on one mustachioed thief or anthropomorphic extra before it's on to the next one. Perhaps the most genius turn Browne takes imagines instructional art school doodles 'Tippy the Turtle' and 'the Pirate' as paid contract killers. No shit. What could be a throwaway at its folksiest gives the story insider immediacy, inspiration and the saddest backstory ever to feature a blue snaggletooth toy, a boy vampire and an afro pick.

Only someone who would kick a puppy would call Browne's cartooning crude. O.K., there is no innovative panel layout here or detailed backgrounds that looks like someone went on a weeklong meth-bender, but as an added bonus, no photo-reference either, score. For those in the 'my-kid-could-do-that-or-I-could-do-that' crowd, welcome to the not-so-profitable, but wonderful world of DIY comics and you're wrong. Browne knows sequential art, knows where to place word bubbles to cover up the naughty bits and he knows a crack about a robot businessman built out of other robot businessmen kills every time.

 

If it weren't for all the fucking swear words and needless, pointless preventable violence (always the best kind) one could claim Blast Furnace Recreational Thief Volume One Wonka-esque.  To go further, one could employ (leaning on a too long overused cliché) the phrase, 'Browne takes readers down the rabbit hole;' however, this creates a false sense of all-ages appropriateness and no comic with this amount of inter- and intra-species hard sex not to mention ''incredibly hard, graphic and exhausting love making sessions'' should be given to children or someone who can't legally be admitted to R-rated movies.

Blast Furnace winks at the 'mad ones, mad to live, mad to talk' (to coin a phrase), those for whom one super-powered Fu Manchu mustache can never be enough. It comes from place where a cyclopean-news reporter makes as much sense as enslaved chain-smoking and trucker-hat-wearing ostriches who only want a 'little personal time' to enjoy some pay-per-view. If that sounds ridiculous and manic you haven't heard the half of it. Blast Furnace (ahem) fires the mind and makes you think how fun it is to steal in a found art anything goes hip-hop kooky-kind-of-way.

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Blast Furnace Recreational Thief Volume One was a Kickstarter success. For non-backers Browne is as entrepreneurial as he is funny so there is an Etsy site:

 

http://www.etsy.com/listing/115126147/blast-furnace-recreational-thief-volume

 
Or you can visit the virtual Ryan Browne at http://godhatesastronauts.tumblr.com/